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going back I have always kept a diary, since I was pretty young, like 8 or 9, and I have kept them all. It's weird to read through them, as I did today. A lot of the early entries are laughably silly, like "went to K-Mart today with my mom and got the CUTEST purple hair barrettes!!!!". Another one, "Tracy told Coley that I have a crush on him! I HATE her SO much!" Well, of course I hated her...I had a mad crush on Coley! (Some, I don't like to read, like "my dad is drunk again and yelling at my mom. I'm glad Brad can't hear it." Brad is my older brother, and his bedroom was far enough away from my parents' and mine that he never heard them fight. The first time my parents announced that they were divorcing, Brad sobbed while I sat stony-faced. They never divorced, although they separated many times. Every time, Brad was shocked, while I wished they would just do it already.) Every year, I started a new diary, and felt the need to introduce myself to my new diary. 1980 started with me saying, "Hi, diary, I am 10 and a half years old and in the 5th grade at Lineweaver Elementary School. I am in the GATE program, which stands for Gifted And Talented Education, and some kids at my school don't like me because of that. I have blonde hair and blue eyes, am 4'8" and 67 pounds, and I am going on a diet! I ate a grapefruit today and drank a Tab! Good start I think!" I got chills when I read that. WHY did I feel that I needed to be on a diet at age 10, and when I obviously wasn't overweight? I never knew that I hated my body from such a young age. Other entries from that year have more of a historical interest...my mom picked me up from school one day and told me that President Reagan had been shot. I made this weird entry about that where I prayed for him and Mr. Brady....I was going through an unusual religious thing due to a good friend of mine who was Catholic. Another odd entry from that year was about my music teacher. He was such a cool guy, he let me play "cool" stuff like the Beatles and Pink Floyd, I really adored him. One day, he didn't come to my music lesson, and I learned it was because his wife had committed suicide. I don't know who told me that she had hung herself and that he was the one who came home and discovered her body, but it haunted me. I never saw him again...until about 2 years ago when he came into my workplace with his "new" wife (I say "new" because who knows how long they have been married? But she wasn't the "old" dead wife, obviously) I was so thrilled to see him re-married and happy. I didn't say anything to him. It would have been too weird. But glad he's happy. The junior high diaries are just depressing. I was still a kid, but all of a sudden my friends started getting WAY ahead of me. I was seriously still playing with my dollhouse when I realized two of my good friends were having sex with the same guy...and they all knew about it. Yowz. And the high school diaries? Well, I guess that can wait until another day. Miss These?
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