 |
|||||
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
rain There was this guy I knew in college, and I think of him sometimes when it rains. I was taking a summer school English Lit class, and the first day of class, I noticed this very good-looking guy in the seat next to mine. He had long, very blonde hair, and amazingly light blue eyes. He reminded me of Julian Sands in "Room With A View", except he was much more grungy-looking (this was 1989, keep in mind...grunge was attractive then) and he was hunched over his desk writing in a journal. I don't remember how we started talking, but I do remember walking away from class that day knowing that he was also a Creative Writing major, and thinking "COOL! I've got 6 weeks more to talk to this hot guy!" I went home and called my two best friends at the time, Cara and Bradley, and when I told them his name, they both said, "The Boy With No Eyebrows?"...his eyebrows were very light blonde, and Cara and Bradley both knew him from the local alternative nightclub. They used to name boys who Bradley was attracted to with names like "Plaid Boy" (a kid who wore plaid shirts a lot), and "The Boy With No Eyebrows", etc. Anyhow, Bradley told me that "The Boy With No Eyebrows" was bisexual, and pretty promiscous. Dashed my dreams of Julian Sands. Anyhow, "The Boy With No Eyebrows", (we'll call him "Julian"), and I became friends. I was 19, he was 26, which I thought was so sophisticated and old. He had all of these older friends who were writers, and I readily fell into their circle. Let me say that I had recently transferred to this University from a very small, conservative college where I had been in a sorority. It was refreshing to be among more liberal people, hippies, really. "Julian" and I started spending all of our free time together. He lived in this great old house and had a ton of friends and parties. I used to stay there after the party was over, and we'd curl up together to sleep in his bed, but nothing sexual ever happened. He'd spoon around me and press his face into my neck, and we'd fall asleep that way. We'd meet for lunch on the mall on campus, and take naps on the lawn in each others' arms. People started thinking of us as a couple. His friends even started saying that I was his girl. But they would tell me to watch out for him. They would act weird about the whole thing. He had the kind of house where people would just drop by, and often I would be cooking dinner and feeding the cat while he was lounging in front of the fireplace. My friends Cara and Bradley were leaving messages on my answering machine at home constantly..."WHAT are you doing? You KNOW he is Bi...WHAT THE FUCK are you doing?" One night, "Julian" and I were high on cocaine (another thing he had introduced me to, and that my friends were screaming about), sitting in my Jeep in front of a party, and he said, "Can I ask you something?" I said, sure. He said, "I'm dead serious, can I ask you something?" I was like, "of course, love, what IS it?" He said, slurring his words, "Why do you wear so much makeup?" I was like, huh? I wore mascara and chapstick as makeup then! But he was already asleep in the passenger seat of my Jeep. I sat there and watched him sleep, looked at his perfect face. He could get higher from cocaine than I ever could, and he could get sleepier from Valerian root that I ever have. He never knew that I watched him sleep in my Jeep. I drove him home and put him to bed. And later in the night, he, of course, reached for me and held me close to him. But nothing happened. I remember one night when we sat on his sofa in front of a raging fire in his fireplace and just read our books. I felt so comfortable and happy. And at like 10.00 pm, a car pulled up, and his friend Michael came in, and I knew they were going out to pick up boys together. Still, "Julian" came back early that morning and got in bed with me and held me as if he needed me near him. He used to wake me up every morning by kissing my eyelids. What a great way to wake up! We used to go every morning to this great place that no longer exists, but then it was a cool place where you could sit and have breakfast or lunch or early dinner. Back then, you could leave your coffee or tea mug, and they would wash it and have it ready for you the next morning. You could also have your evening drink, because they had a full bar. We were silly and feeling European, we used to drink Pernod and soda. You could also buy your veggies, they had a fully stocked farmer's market of organic veggies. "Julian" and I used to go there a lot. One afternoon, we were there. It was raining. We were sitting at a table by the window. It was practically empty. We were reading. I was reading Jean Rhys. I don't know what he was reading. The rain was beading down the window like magic, and I remember thinking, "This is a moment I want to remember." It was just perfect. After a while, he looked up at me, and said, "we should go." I looked at him, and held his hand, and said, "no, let's stay a moment longer." We looked at each other and tried, but the moment was gone. So, we left. That was a perfect moment. "Julian" and I graduated from college together, it was fun. I have a videotape of us pasting pink flowers onto our graduation caps together. He moved back East shortly thereafter, and we lost touch. I don't even remember his last name, now. But I miss our friendship, and his hands on me. Miss These?
|
|||||
